We Know Each Other...

This past weekend sucked... My love wasn't around and this in return made SL suck for me. I missed him so much. I knew it was the holiday and all and he was spending time with his Kids and family.

He came back yesterday and OMG i felt i haven't seen him for ages. We just spent time alone talking. You might think... "what the hell are you gonna talk about after a year" or maybe "wow I would love the time alone to get away from him" but sorry none of these came across my mind. I felt so hurt that my best friend wasn't on line and he wasn't near me.

All we did was talk, we didn't go out or anything. Just sat on the bed, beach, whatever... we just talked.

Yes we know each other very well.. but this man is my man and I love him to death. It will be hard when i move back to the states. I might be gone for 2 weeks... fingers crossed it doesn't take that long cus i would so loose it. He did make a comment that I am gonna be like "Xen... Xen who... who is that.." I can say now that won't ever happen at all. That man is the first thing i think of when i wake up and last thing i think about when i go to bed.

Yes we know each other very well and i can say this man is the best thing for me. He has never been anything but perfect for me.

Baby I love you and I wish i can write more but i am STARVING for sumtin to eat LOL...

Love you forever.

Music

You know people that know me, know I love my music, having a Degree in Music Video Production and also playing music with singing for ALOT of year... yes more than 10... I learned to love all different music types, from Jazz to classical, even country to Metal. I don't have any favourites, I know what i like and i listen to what i like.

Well I have been trying to go to different places this past weekend trying to keep my mind occupied with the US holiday etc... I noticed that there are some DJs in some clubs, not noticed it in the club i work at or my brothers club but some of them all the DJ seems to do is play the same music OVER & OVER & OVER... OMG variation. Ok ya they take requests but they still continue on with the same set from the day before etc... I mean REALLY...

That is why I have some favourite DJs, Rykk for one, his music just is perfect... he plays different stuff and everyone loves it. Then you have Gaid, OMG she is like Rykk but a chick... ehhehehehe :oP I would say these are my 2 fav DJs no matter what then you have UCB... the king of the covers LOL and alot more I know of but can't name them all. I work with some awesome DJ at Primal Chaos and worked with some at the Rock. Darien is an awesome DJ, she makes you laugh no matter what mood you are in LOL and she makes working so much fun LOL. hehehhe

The DJs that just play the same stuff over and over, really need to get some different music, take more requests, do something different. This is why ppl don't wanna stay and listen to you. SHEESH, the one in particular use to be a DJ manager at a CLUB i refused to go to and since she left the CLUB is picking up and getting better.. go figure. You hire someone who doesn't play anything different then what she feels like, only plays certain requests (the ones she likes) and then she tries and figures out why no one wants to be at her sets, she blames the hosts, dancers and everyone else but never thinks... HMMMMMM... It might be me. LOL omfg, she calls herself a DJ, sorry but a DJ plays different music each set not the same ones over and over and over and over and over... Wonder why no one likes her.

Sorry.. rant over LOL...

Xen

Ok ya i do write about this man but I love him so much. Sometimes i say or do things that he looks past like when i get pissed off I might push him away to protect him or when i am really upset i just make a comment and don't really mean it.

Xen never once said to me I have to wear a collar so i would show everyone who i belonged to. He gave me a ring on the 8th of July proposing marriage and that is the only thing I will and need to wear to show people I have someone that loves me. He was the first guy that has got to know me for me and not try and bang the avi i have. Xen always has been truthful and only thing he asks me to do if wear cookie protection and I do. My cookie is his playground and no one else. NO one else should be looking at it.

Xen protects me, loves me and wants me all to his own. When he is on its his time, I don't build and we have fun. We will go to clubs, a cuddle area to talk, amusement parks and we even will dress up like kids to joke around with people and freak them out LOL. I love it and he makes me smile so much. I never thought a year ago I would need to have him with him. I never thought a year ago he would mean so much to me. I never thought a year ago that I miss him so much when i am not with him.

baby I love you, will always love you. You are my everything you have been with me thru alot of things and know my moods and are in my head all the time. You are the one, i need you so much. You are not a want ever you are a need. I NEED YOU & LOVE YOU XEN

Slaves/partners

I see these people that are married or partnered on SL and then you read the about section that says
Partnered to whoever: date
Collared to same: date

Well that is not a partnership that is a man trying to show he is all that. If you NEED to be collared to be true to one person that is nothing but a slave to him. You shouldn't NEED to wear a collar to show commitment to anyone. Unless you are into Slave RP etc. If you need to be a pet (side bit) to someone that just shows that you don't mind him playing away. I find it so horrid.

Ya Xen and I might have gotten us collars, firstly for events (LOL) and so we can play but that is all. I never wear it out. I know who i am true to. I don't need to show everyone a collar around my neck so people won't him on me. FFS this seems to get more men/women to hit on you.

I was a slave once but pure accident and didn't like it. I thought it would be fun etc but the guy was a complete asshole as a person, not only during RP, which i never did but as everything. He never thought that others had things to do on here, even when he wasn't on line OMG was a prick. Some people might like that feeling of being used and treated liek shyt but not me. NO FUCKING WAY. I should of went with my first instance and never put the collar on. He only did it cus he was a security guard at a club i use to work and i asked him for help. Oh well Live and learn.

However, when you partner you shouldn't need to wear a collar to show you are true to someone. If you do then what;s the point of being partnered and why should only the woman have to wear one. DUDE if you are going to collar your partner, you best be wearing one too. I know some people have them to play also but the ones I am talking about are the ones that NEED to be collared the ones that have had like 2 or more partners and need to have a collar around their neck to say "LOOK I AM A SLAVE.. I mean PARTNER with "whoever". A partner accepts you as an equal and not demand you wear a collar.

FFS think before you put it on and if you are wearing a Slave tag above your name and in your profile it says you are restricted to whoever only then FFS don't go and hit on men/women. Cus you know what i like to do, if contact your Master and send them pics and logs of things you done LOL.... well maybe i do. I have done this with ppl that have annoyed me LOL but have yet to do it to anyone else LOL... it isn't fun to fucked with..... IS IT?

Things...

Ok things....

What things... anything at all.

Let's see...

Let's see this past week what have I done. Well I have been talking to Tri, which is great and Xen I got to talk to him after months of not being able to *mwah* baby i love you.

Gaidon I went to listen to Dj along with Xen. Rykk OMG Xen and I went up to Sanctuary Rock after a week or 2 not being there and Rykk you kicked ass like normal. Also his club Freikheim Funeral Home had a Redneck and it was SOOOOOOOOOO funny. We had cow tipping... well cow pushing and throwing LOL.

Been having alot of fun. Snap has been funny as hell like normal and Xen well, he has been a great and loving man like normal.

OMG i forgot. I found those LONG JOHNS with the flap in the back and they come with and with out the ass showing, also in red and white. OMG i found them and got myself a both sets, Xen both set and Tri both sets. They weren't expensive but THEY KICK ASS!!!!!!!!! Xen is loving his and OMG you can so do different events in them i love them :o) YUMMY good for sexy events and even pj events, maybe western events etc... If you want the LM find me in SL and i may tell you where i got them LOL.

ALSO freebie shopping kicks ass... a sim i normally go to is having find 40 bags across the 2 sims they have and i have all of the bags except 1 number 37. The prizes don't repeat and its so much fun. I got a shit load of new things and the freebies they places have out around the sims are awesome. I got striping feathers, a watch, gestures and much more. YUMMY... i so need to go thru these LOL

Hmmm.... I think that's it for now :o) I so love window shopping and I even told xen he should come window shopping with Tri and I and he said no cus he would flip out over how much we spend LOL... OMG its only freebie shopping LOL

LOVE YA :o)

Rumors

I read a blog today and they were talking about rumors and it got me thinking.

This one was about clubs having "problems" with people that work for them going to certain clubs. Well i can honestly say that is such shyte. I worked for a few different clubs and never had problems going into different clubs. HOWEVER i never wore my staff tags into clubs either LOL and if i did i would quickly change.

I can say tho that rumors are shyte. How & why can people start these and not think about what they are doing. FFS people get a life, don't ruin someone's business cus you are jealous of them or what they have.

This also goes to people that NEED to try and break a happy couple up. I mean i have been with Xen for over a year and we still get shyte sent to each other trying to break us up. HELLO it won't work. We are RL as well as SL so FFS move on, get a life and stop all the rumors.

There is only one place that i worked at that I talk shyte about and that is cus how i was treated and even there the owner and his partner started rumors. Not a good business practice. The other places i have worked at i will never belittle, start rumors or hurt ppl. Ya i might not get spoken to by people when i go to these places or feel comfortable there BUT i will go and try and have fun with the people i go with.

I won't talk shyt about the places i worked at or work at. Its loyalty, the owners never did anything to me to get that treatment and as long as I am on SL i will never do that. So you have a problem with a club or people go to them and don't start rumors. It isn't nice and good for business.

Thank you and have a nice day.

My Mom

Yep, that's my mom. She was born May 18 1950 and passed away Sept 23rd 1999. Today she would have been 58 years old and I miss her with all my heart.

My mom was & still is my hero. She was the best woman in the world, never took shyt from anyone and always stood up for what she believed in. She was a strong person, raising 3 kids on her own, working night shift in the ER and doing everything she could.

I hear people (kids mainly) say "Oh I hate my mom, I wish she was dead." and i think damn I use to say that and I would take it all back just to have more time with her. She was the best.

So ya my mom rocks. She is the best. She would encourage us to do what we want to and taught me so much, how to sew, cook, can things, and be the best i can be.

You might hear me call my mom a bitch, and think, that is not a way to talk about a mother but she was, she was. She never took shyt from people. She went thru years of physical & emotional abuse from that thing called my father. She protected us as much as she could against him.

I just wish my mom was still around. She fought brain cancer for 2 years. When she found out she was strong, being a nurse she didn't give up like most people would have. Her first words were... what are we going to do about it. She was in hospital and her first Surgery was on July 3rd 1998, and she recovered very quick from that. She was up having fun etc. In Feb of of 1999 she was told that she would not last to spring, the cancer was spreading quickly. Well this didn't get her down. She was upset cus it was a week before my wedding. The doctor said it this way "Would you rather a wedding or a funeral?" and of course we all supported her. It was the longest 10 hours of our lives. Pacing around a hospital not knowing what was happening but we did it. She came out strong and healthy. My sister and i made the dresses for my wedding and we did everything. She was up doing the chicken dance at the wedding and it was great. I stepped back and watched her. Thinking damn she is a strong woman.

Well 6 months later and she was in and out of the hospital, she was tired and worn out and a week before she died she told me that she was ready to go. She couldn't do it anymore. I still remember the day perfectly. I called her cus we just got the phone installed in the new flat and she sounded awesome, told me no pain, nothing and that she was having potatoes and steak with corn on the cob for dinner but they forgot the A1 steak sauce and they were going for it soon. So we talking for like 30 minutes and I remember saying I would call her tomorrow and I loved her and missed her.

That night I went to bed and had a horrible dream, woke up crying my eyes out about an hour before i got the call. My sister and her went to the store and my mom fell asleep in the car like normal. Well my sister working in the hospital and taking care of her for months by herself checked to see if she was sleeping and then checked a pulse. She went into automatic then. She started CPR by herself and needed to make a tough decision whether or not to stop CPR and speed the the hospital about 10 minutes away. So she did, she keeps the compressions going but it didn't work sadly. My sis got her to the hospital and they tried everything but my mom has a DNR order and a will written out etc... So no heroic measures were taken. Well my sister called me and i could hear in her voice something was wrong and when she told me I lost it. I screamed so loud and hurt so much to this day i still feel it.

Well she was ready, and i guess she knew she was ready. I miss her dearly and will love her always. MY sister is a very strong woman. She is caring for everyone and still tries to take care of me. I love my whole family both in SL & RL. I guess that where I get my caring side from.

So today, if you are reading this, please spare a thought for her cus I know i will be very different today.

I LOVE YOU MOM!!!

Redneck

So its that time again. Time to get out the redneck gear. Well that is us Xen & I at Freakheim Funeral Home (see side for SLURL and other info). We had a blast last night there. The music was different and OMG we looked hilarious. TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO damn funny.

Yes Xen and I really like getting into events at places we go... sometimes we even take it a step further and for sexy events we will wear funny things and for formal events we will wear a nun and priest outfit LOL.

We are serious alot of the times but we do have alot of fun. Xen has shown me over the past year how much fun SL is and without him I would be lost.

So keep in mind people. You may think events are for winning money and only participate in them for that reason etc but it is alot of fun gettin in to character.

YEEHAW!!!!!!

Grand Opening of FREAKHEIM FUNERAL HOME

Yesterday was the Grand Opening of my brother's club Freakheim Funeral Home and it KICKED ASS!!!!!!!!

I missed most of it cus of it cus of the storms we had :( BUT I got to catch the band THE RAILS and they were amazing. Then I hosted the BEST in LEATHER event with my bro DJ'ing. NOw i have said this before Rykk kicks ass when he DJ's. I could sit there and listen to anything he plays.

The atmosphere was amazing so chilled and laid back, I loved it. I would suggest to anyone that love all types of music to stop by. http://slurl.com/secondlife/Divine%20Oasis/188/33/26 it is worth it.

A list of events/DJs playing fo the week can be found - http://huntcal.com/cgi/calview.cgi/freakheim/Events and he usually has something going each night.

Ok you must be thinking, as i got alot of IMs when I sent out a mass tp... FUNERAL HOME????? Yes it is my bro and sis are nuts like the rest of use, naw they are just vamps hehehe and this is a unique place. You have the embalming area in the cellar, with your spanking thing. There are cuddles and other things down there and NO i haven't tried any of it. Xen keeps asking but newp... Then you have on the main dance floor, a cute HUGE teddy bear, a coffin, a blood cooler, some boxes to sit in when your being naughty (be careful with them) and the normal club stuff. I haven't checked the balcony area out yet but i think there are cuddles and places to sit up there.

All in all this clubs rocks. The people there are friendly and funny. These 2 pics were after my event. I gave a lollipop out to Tallulah and then Kaedy. I think decided we should give out to the men too so Rykk, Damian and Xen each got one. So we started the Freakheim Funeral Home Lollipop wars 2008... As the people came in i gave out lollipops and OMG it was funny...

Just a warning, Guen is really sneaky with her Lollipop, she was smacking everyone with them noticing and that is JUST naughty. LOL

I have to have I loved it last night and the FREAKS/NUTTERS finally have a true ROCKING home.... Thanks Bro & Sis.

I LOVE IT!!!!!!

My Love.. the only one

My love, you are mine, only mine.

I know at times you get frustrated with me cus I don't tell you stuff, but other times you are some calm.

You are one amazing man. I know i don't tell you that enough.

Yes i know i have repeated myself alot but i can't stress how much i need you in my life. You are the one for me.

You keep me safe when you can. You protect me when you can. You love me more than I ask at times. You always go over board with the love and that is the best.

Only think i ask of you is to be mine forever. :o)

*happy sighs* you are truly the best. I am glad you came into my life over a year ago and stayed. thank you baby.

Thank you for everything.

My Romantic Man

He might not of proposed on one knee but he gave me his heart when we got married.
He might not remember every date but he knows the important ones.
He might not understand all women fully, but he know my moods, when i am upset, playful and mad at him.
He might not always bring me flowers, but he always gives me his undying love.
He might not always be able to hold me but he is holding me in his heart, close and safe when we aren't together.
He might not be able to protect me all the time but he does make me feel safe at all times.

He is a romantic man, he is one of a kind, funny, kind, loving, putting me first and he is someone that I will never give up ever. He is strong, caring, perfect for me in many ways. He wants me near him at all times and you might think that this is suffocating but I can tell you a year ago I was thinking the same, now I wouldn't give him up for anything.

A year ago we were just friends, just talking, hanging out, being funny, silly and just friends. We fought our feelings for weeks until we both caved in and told each other how we felt. From day one you were different. You got to know me after getting past my exterior you got to see the real me. We might have hurt each other but we always bounced back and this made us stronger.

Anytime I needed a friend you were there.
Anytime I needed to talk to someone you were there.
Anytime I needed to be held, your arms were opened wide up waiting for me.
Anytime I just wanted to listen to music and dance you were one step ahead of me, ready to go.

You, my dearest Xen are the man that knows me for me, takes me as is and doesn't try to change me at all. You are wonderful, perfect, and mine... ALL MINE.

Ya, I might call you an asshole and you might push me around playing but you do know that your MY asshole.

You know how to get YOUR baby in your arms, that is only to open them. To stand there and wait and i am there in them within seconds.

Xen you might not always be able to watch over me, i know you want to but I understand and know how much you love me and I love you. I know I feel i don't say it enough to you, but baby I love you, you are my love, my man, my best friend, my partner in crime and most of all my husband. YOU are the only one i want in my life.

For all you do for me baby, for all you make me feel and for all you take from me. I thank you for being with me and loving me. You are one of a kind, they broke the mold when you were made.

I LOVE YOU XEN!!!!!!!

Love You To Death - Type O Negative

In her place one hundred candles burning,

As salty sweat drips from her breast.

Her hips move and I can feel what they're saying, swaying,

They say the beast inside of me's gonna get ya, get ya, get... yeah.

Yeah.

Black lipstick stains her glass of red wine,

I am your servant, may I light your cigarette?

Those lips smooth, yeah I can feel what you're saying, praying,

They say the beast inside of me's gonna get ya, get ya, get... yeah.

Yeah.I beg to serve, your wish is my law,

Now close those eyes and let me love you to death.

Shall I prove I mean what I'm saying?

Begging,I say the beast inside of me's gonna get ya, get ya, get.. yeah.

Let me, love you to...Let me,

love you to death.

To death.

Let me, love you to...Let me,

love you to death.

To death.

Am I good enough for you?

Am I good enough for you?

Am I?

For you?

Am I?

For you?

Am I good enough For you?

Things happen for a reason

I totally believe in Karma. I have always believed in it and let me tell you, its worth it when it happens.

I have met some really really nice people and today I got to hear a really kick ass DJ Gaid. Gaid is a wonderful person and invited me over to listen the some music and dance. The music OMG was right up there with Rykk's. As long as its good Gaid will play it. Even promised me the full 17 minute version of Innagodadavida (spelling on that) by Iron Butterfly and I love that song.

Also we have LaserKnight. A very kind gentleman, he reminds of a true gentleman, he was really nice the one day and instead of just im'ing me he asked if he could. Which thru me right off. He made me smile today when all the shyt was still going on. He told if i am ever looking for work or anything he will find me something. Right now I am gonna work at Primal Chaos, and maybe a Saturday night at Freakheim and also work on my store some more.

I have things selling big time now. Making some good coinage but i am not gonna stop building fun things at all. It will be well worth it, I know that. Xen, Nikki, Tri and all my friends have been encouraging some alot longer than others So to you guys thanks :o). I will always make things ppl ask me to and as I said things happen for a reason :o).

Thanks all :o) for the awesome support for the store. YOU guys make it happen, without you guys then I wouldn't have done anything. *HUGS*

OMFG Ugly Avis again

OMG again, UGLY AVIs, I know its SL. but there are some butt ugly avi's. 2 different color skin tones, the proportion all out of whack, the hair being too big or too small for the head, the eyes etc...

I know i am not perfect. I still sometimes tweak my shape and so one but i always keep a copy of the original and the current one i am using. I like correct shapes, none of this blow up doll, massive asses & breasts. Its Pathetic.

Ok there is this guy, who things he is gods gift to women, and OMG is he not. his hair is like he dyed it. Its orangy blond, like that sun in from the 80s, you squirt it on your hair and go out in the sun and its suppose to lighten your hair and all it does is turn it an orange tinge if you have blond hair. Well this guy is like that and its long. His body OMG, he must have put the muscles up all the way and left his head and his legs tiny. However i do know another guy like this but he made his whole body huge and his head so tiny. its like someone squished it.

Now I can understand if they haven't been in world long. I totally understand that, however for ppl that have been there for like a year+ they should know by now how to fix your hair, and so on. When I checked this person's profile out, I noticed he was married, so i looked at his partner's pic and OMG i saw the wedding pics in it too. I mean you should look hot and sexy and most people do but with the bodies like these to have made she looked frumpy and him, well lets say if I dressed my dog, he would be so much better. I don't know what their personalities are like but if they are going on looks... I just hope he does better, on his next avi or whatever cus this one really sucks.

Pathetic

You know, i have been busy in RL today. Hardly on and when I do get on I get all these IMs from petty alts of people that I think were made just to annoy ppl.

Firstly, STAY THE FUCK out of my IMs, I have reported each and every petty person that IM;ed me today and said alot of things. Funny, how I didn't tell anyone but 1 person that worked there what was going on and that which is weird was a manager and I know she wouldn't tell anyone. SO... hmmmmmmmm makes me think, yes I think I can see the poor me again coming out and trying to make herself look good and others in the wrong.

Hate to disappoint you, but you are nothing to me, you will be nothing to me at all. You dont' deserve any more of my time and to tell you the truth, I can't stand people who sit there, make themselves look good by saying I was copying you. You want me to post the IMs where you would IM me and say, OH what should should wear etc... or OMG this would look so cute for tomorrow's event. Cus you know what, don't bother me any. Just makes you look worse that what you are doing now.

Clubs...

There are a very few rock clubs I like in SL and one club i will tear to shreds

The clubs I like:

Primal Chaos
Freakheim Funeral Home
Club Infinity
Sanctuary Rock.

I will never EVER talk shyt about these places. These places are fun places and yes I hear alot of people talk about lag but hey it happens every where. You can find the SLURL under places to visit on the side of my blog. These are awesome places, you should also join the VIP groups to keep up on the going ons around the clubs. What events etc... Freakheim has a calendar and that is under my Blogs to Check out section. So look at that and if you want GO and party with everyone. I work at Primal Chaos, M-F various shifts, just look up on the search in world.

Have fun and rock hard"!!!!!!

Petty people

OMG, where should I start. OK firstly, this is my blog, as it says at the top... this is my blog no one elses, my thoughts, my feelings, my everything NO ONE ELSES. YOU don't like what i write, easy solution, you can leave a comment & tell me about it and then FUCK OFF.

THIS IS MY THOUGHTS NO ONE PRESSES THESE ON ME.

Monday I had the pleasure of working with one of the most pettiest DJ at my old work. Normally the way I host is to IM the dj to tell them the dancer etc and when it comes to voting I IM them again and coordinate on opening and closing of votes then again I would IM the DJ with the winners.

Well Monday, when I worked with the *cringe* thing called Callie Carr, now I had no problem with her at all, she lowered herself to name calling. She got pissed off over a fucking blog, *rolls eyes* of the thoughts of 1 person and she couldn't handle it.... FREEDOM OF SPEECH is what I call it... OH WELL... she decided to IM a person at the Rock to tell them why or whatever and to pass the winners to them. This is so unprofessional to bring a third person involved in her pettiness. Doesn't surprise me, typical twat... Well, this pissed me off that she had me on mute and couldn't be professional and SHE MANAGES DJ at another CLUB... OMG I wouldn't step FOOT into that place.

AGAIN THIS IS MY THOUGHTS NO ONE PRESSES THESE ON ME.

So with this I confided in 2 of my really good friends there and explained to them that IT (no she isn't anything to me other than an IT ) had me on mute. Well as Someones pricks in their profile says "You can't control the actions of others" and no matter if I tell them NOT to say anything they will do what they want that is called HUMAN NATURE. So Snap went and I guess IM'ed her and asked something and she muted him for no reason, but pettiness cus he was my friend, So he made a comment in open chat about not tipping a DJ who mutes him for no reason. Then Tri agreed with this. They were both booted and banned for NO REASON what so ever they were asked to stop and they did. Then I was informed that until they apologise they will be banned. OMFG, they stopped the WON'T apologise cus they did nothing wrong and IN my opinion (YES MY OPINION) some people were looking at a way to kick my friends out... We had the whole dance floor talking and having fun but seems like since some people can't communicate, can only make comments on air and can't have a good time they need to ruin it for others.


I then received an IM getting LECTURED and this was DURING VOTING TIME btw, from the GM of the club saying that I am a victim, i act a victim... This blog and the whole blog i write makes me look like a victim. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH... Well you say there is 2 sides to every story. Actually 3, mine, yours and the truth. Well she kept Lecturing me like i am a child, saying shit that i caused it and that she hasn't told anyone what happened blah blah blah... I hoped she didn't but in a way some of the rumors claiming it to be all my fault had to come from someone and it wasn't from me, Xen, Tri or Snap. So gawd only knows. Someone ELSE knew and I only confided in 3 other ppl besides myself, so the rumors that I only copied you cus I needed too (which was wrong), that I am the one that said shyt about you (I never once bad mouthed you), that I needed to work with you cus no one else would (also wrong, cus no one would take the 8am when i took them) and that i was screwing around on Xen (which again was and will always be wrong).

AGAIN THIS IS MY THOUGHTS NO ONE PRESSES THESE ON ME.

If i am playing a victim all the time, I guess that doesn't leave anything for you to play OH WAIT... yes its the POOR ME syndrome. These are people that get enough attention that they need to make drama for themselves and bring people down to their level. Look on the side of my blog Under 6 again and follow the link, read what it says and trust me you will find yourself there. I am far from a victim. What i say in my blog I am not blasting anyone or anything. I have been writing on line for over 10 years, when i started on web pages first, then as the years when on I started doing on line diary and other things.

My advice to petty people:
If you can't handle someone writing their feelings in an area that is open to everyone to read. IT isn't my fault. If you can't understand that this is the opinion of 1 person, you are sad sad person. If you can't handle people being honest don't say you can. If you can't handle people being straight to the point do tell them to. If you can't be an adult while reading something then don't read it. I am shocked anyone who starts this drama shyt read anything, maybe if you don't like what ppl say you should get off the net, stop reading blogs and read some fiction and write on some paper and what not. Cus this is a WORLD WIDE thing, people have opinions to everything here in the world. If you can't handle one person HOW THE FUCK are you going to handle anything anyone says. Maybe you should be rolled up in cotton and put in a padded room with no net, no outside world, no nothing, this way you all can be shielded from the stuff people say.

AGAIN THIS IS MY THOUGHTS NO ONE PRESSES THESE ON ME.

When you made the comment "do you job maybe stop telling everyone personal stuff" You seem to apply that I am not doing my job, I am in IMs all the time talking about personal things. Well SURPRISE I'm not, I don't do that. I don't cyber, talk dirty, flirt, or anything when i work. I come in, do my job, and keep anything else to later. If people IM me, and ask me something I will answer them. I don't sit in IMs like most people and not interact with customers and I SURE as HELL do not EVER stay in IMs even when Xen is on and i am working. I will interact, I also DO NOT slow dance with anyone when I work, this isn't professional, from my point of view, its giving your attention to one person and we all know that when you do this you are in IMs only. For a host or a dancer to SLOW DANCE is not a good thing when you are working. Dj's i have no opinion on as I don't DJ or never will DJ, I know they are busy. I have spoken to my bro and he always tells me he is loaded with IMs when he DJs so he apologises before anything. So if you are going to say something about me DOING MY JOB, best think who you are talking to, I worked my ass off, even when i managed Lucifer's and GP, and the only time i took off was when i had appts or went on holiday. That was it. So don't tell me that I don't do my job as a Host. I will give you a list of people that will say otherwise.

Telling people personal stuff... this is at my discretion. NOT YOURS, I don't give my name out, I don't give my address or telephone number out to people that I don't know. Only a very very very few people (4 people) actually know my RL name. NO ONE knows my full name. One, maybe 2 people knew my full details and that quickly stopped cus one I found out worked for the same company as I did. Thank gawd I changed my number and I am moving and left that work a long time ago. So you have no right to tell me what i can and can not tell my friends. I will let them know whatever I want them to. It is my choice NOT Yours.

AGAIN THIS IS MY THOUGHTS NO ONE PRESSES THESE ON ME.

All in all the GM got what she wanted, I resigned, after the comment that she will NOT do the 8am events with me and will get people to fill in when she can, and even tho she said she didn't want me to but IN MY OPINION she is happier I am gone saves her from firing me. Oh well, it was nice while it lasted, over a year at the same place, Eh, such is life. I will still go to the club but i will NOT work there. Maybe set another vendor up sometime. but NEVER work there.

Also I guess Snap was sending note cards to people and sent one to the Owner, GM and Host Manager. I never fully read this. And this is HIS choice I didn't tell him to do this. He is like me I protect my friends and family. YOU may not BUT i do. No one fucks with my friends & family and gets away with it. That is how i have been and I will never change. I have been used by alot of people in the past and this stopped totally.

Wow...

Today I said something and didn't mean, i was in the heat of the moment. Xen and I had a slight disagreement today over rumors that were heard and how i handled these said rumors. Ya I could have just sat back and pretended like that weren't there but no I decided to confront the 1 person that I knew for a fact that was spreading them and she resorted to name calling.. so you know with that when people get pissed off, you know you found the source. Well this said person also got owned today i heard from a very good source... anyway.

Well he got upset and kinda snapped at me so i snapped back and said i was getting sick of this place etc... well I guess it stopped him in his tracks cus we dropped it right then and there. When he came on SL tonight, he was kinda off and a bit different. Asking me things that he wouldn't normally ask me. Which made me wonder what was up.

Well we went to Welsh Falls or something like that at Collar me Sexy and danced under the waterfall and moon light. Very romantic... which he can be :o) But when he said to me don't ever leave me or get tired of me I finally knew what was up... he still had our conversation from MSN this morning on his mind. Well it hurt, I might not like SL for the crashes, the drama, the shit that goes on when you don't do anything. Yes if i left SL people would get over me, however Xen would be hit the hardest. I wouldn't do this to him at all. Ya it will hurt in several weeks when I move back to PA and I am off line for a few days BUT I will never leave him or get tired of him.

Xen baby, you are my world, my life, my everything. You have my heart and soul to keep and protect and I know you do this each and every day. I love you for who you are, you aren't a want to me. I don't want to be with you... I NEED to be with you, I NEED you in my life, I NEED you as my best friend, I NEED you as my partner in crime, and most of all I NEED the love you give me each and everyday. PLEASE forget what i said... Please my love I will never grow tired of you and leave. YOU ARE MY ONE LOVE!!!!!

Yes SL might be a toon avi etc, but they are real feelings, real people behind the toon avis and I can say this is all true. I will never EVER leave you. I love you WAY too much.

My love, Xen and LadyStar 4 ever.... :o) I love you baby.

Funny...

For the people that are on SL, its funny how 2 ugly avis find each other. Today i was hopping sims, exploring for a bit, looking for some new textures and OMG did i see the ugliest male and female ever. I have seen them before but this is pathetic... but its nice to see how one of the ugliest male Avi's i have seen sice i have come on to SL can find a down right ugly female Avi... well as they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I can list the things they need to fix on their avi's and hope they find it but nah, if they are happy with their avi's then let them go.

I got the best compliment today from my love, i know you are all gonna say he is biased, he has to say it etc etc etc... but when I looked at my avi i knew something was missing. I have a BA in music with a minor in art (photo, graphic etc..) and fashion, even if I don't use them I still have the knowledge. I got everything right on her but noticed the comments lately from people that haven't seen in me a while saying my avi looks amazing, that they wish i wasn't married etc.. but I need to thank Xen for this help. Ya i am a perfectionist and yes sometimes its good and bad however, I knew there was that little something missing and Xen helped me find it.

So to all you that have given me some amazing comments lately, thanks... to all the others that call me names, talk shit, etc... I know jealousy is hard to deal with and i know you wish you had the talent I do in SL and RL but you all can't be like me. I am an individual, i might dress like a friend for a laugh (or work, not anymore tho) or dress in different things that look too damn adorable and childish but it feckin fun... FUN AS HELL!!!!!!!! So if you want to make your comments, talk behind my back and nice to my face, do bother. I am a bigger, better and more loved person you can ever be :o) both in SL and RL. Thanks to my Xen and all my new/old friends that have been there for me thru everything.

So Refreshed...

You know a good venting on a blog is awesome... seriously, write down what you want, say what you want, get it out... If you hold it in its not good cus it could lead you to a stressed filled and petty life. Plus it makes you a horrible hurtful person.

Those last few posts just flew out of my fingers and after i wrote them I thought, should I publish them... and ya i thought for about 10 minutes no just delete them... but in the end, just before bed and waking up I feel fucking amazing. I have held some stuff in for a while but eh, its life, you have one go at this life, I am at the point of NOT caring about who likes me and who doesn't.

I know who my friends are, I know who means more to me than most, I know what i do on SL and in RL , I know where I am and so does my love. What you people forget to think about... you can add people to see where you are, your location in SL. With this you can also find them on your friends list on the web page. So think before you say shit.

To all you who are offended, upset, pissed off, blah blah blah over those posts... get over it, seriously, they are MY THOUGHTS, MY FEELINGS, they are all ME, no one else. SO, get over it, go back to your own world and shield yourself and to those that I care about that read these posts, if I hurt you with anything i said in the last few posts, I'm sorry I didn't mean to. IM me and tell me, I will explain to you guys ONLY.

Its awesome feeling this high with no help of drugs, or anything. You petty people should try...

OH one more thing, you people that think your men have better taste. I can really care less what YOU think, what YOUR men think. Also remember this, look at your short comings and you know you people have them, look at who went running to in IMs, what you said in IMs about certain people etc... Then judge, if you can judge others, expect to be Judged I promise you, you are SO being judged RIGHT now....

The people i care about...

There aren't many people i REALLY care about. I mean RL care about, not just a passing OMG you ok sorta care.

Most if not all of the Nutter Family. Most of them haven't been on in a long long time. But there are a few others... Like Nikki, Donney, Rykk, Kaedy, Tri, Snap and most of all Xen.

You guys have been great friends. Making me laugh when something in RL gets me down. Laughing at the yoga ball incident... if you don't know what this is... NO WAY am i telling ya. You guys know how to make people feel welcome. :o)

There is also a few others that I worry about like, Bio, Lee, Von, Dou, Ash, Tifa, Valin... OMG who else. LOL .... ya i might not talk to them alot but they are the best family that anyone can ask for. When you need a good scream and do it in the family channel, its shocking what they will say... and OMG do not... i repeat DO NOT let them near your kids, especially their niece/sister... they will try and sell them but hey they are the nutters... Silver i must say is the bestest baby sitter that money can't buy LOL.

Hugs to all you. Xen baby I Love you... you are my life, my one and only life. You are the greatest thing ever. Thanks for the last year and many many more to come. :o) Can't wait for the the next "speechless" moment. You did it 4 times so far in our first year of marriage, You gonna make it a perfect 5 for the first year :o)... LOVE you baby.

Time for a need be...

Yes i vented in the last one... now I am being called a victim... well people... I am FAR from it. TRUST me on this. You want a better feel of stuff, look at my Xen's picks, he explains it perfectly. He could care less what you say about him, however, he does protect what he loves and who he cares about.

If you think I write the stuff i do to get back at people, newp, you are FAR from right. I write this stuff so people can read it, make comments if they want. Its for me to vent, for me to write, better than a diary where it won't get read and plus my Xen and my bestestestest friends love to read my stuff.

If you think your men have better tastes, good. Cus hunny I ain't looking. I have had 2 relationships on SL since making my Avi on March 4th 2007, one was with an overbearing asshole who choose his work over me, long before we broke up and only other one is with Xen. He was the one that put the FUN back into SL for me. FYI... he is also more RL to me.

I can say what people have said about others, but that is just adding fuel to the fire and spreading more rumors. SORRY don't do that, you may want it but I don't do that sort of shit. I can post PRIVATE IMs on here and ruin a confidence to all friends, but i won't. I don't do that. I am better than that.

Example.... I IM'ed someone today trying to explain that i don't want her fucking man and OH well that was a MAJOR mistake, OMFG was it ever... Yes the world revolves around me, Yes I am playing a victim... *rolls eyes* OMFG, you think this then I guess you must think its true... SORRY pass, don't want him, you can have him.

FFS,

Firstly, I've been with Xen as i said since May 1st 2007. Why the fuck would i want to RUIN what i have with him for any prick on SL. hmmmm...

Secondly, I am NOT wanting any one else. I have who I want, we talk more in a day than most people. He gets to work and will talk to me throughout his day at work and then comes home and gets on SL when RL is taken care of so we can spend time with each other normally between 4-6 hours on SL. So I would say we will sit and talk about everything and anything from 8-12 hours a day sometimes more.

Thirdly, you feel free to talk all you want about me. I'm professional when it comes to work. I don't lower myself to name calling, spreading rumors, playing a victim, being a psychic vampire, sexing ppl up on a dance floor when i work and gawd there is so much more that i have seen alot of ppl that work in SL do.

If you have a need to talk about ppl, then when someone confronts you or tries to explain something to you, and you have this NEED to call ppl names and be the the Intimidator or the Poor Me (see the Celestine Prophecy, 6th insight along the side of my blog) fine be that. I'm not either of them.

The fourth insight explains it well "To gain energy, we tend to manipulate or force others to give us attention and thus energy. When we successfully dominate others in this way, we feel more powerful, but they are left weakened and often fight back. Competition for scarce, human energy is the cause of all conflict between people." I don't manipulate ppl, I don't need attention, however when you try and DRAIN my energy, I will fight back, fight back hard and strong. Mainly by letting Karma fuck you hard times 3. Which to tell you the truth is the best thing to happen.

You want to say something about it COMMENTS below. I don't care, not anymore.

If you want to know why I don't stay at Sanc after my shift... well its 6pm my time, dinner time. I make dinner I don't microwave the shit. Also I work 2 other places after that, plus I build alot of stuff, along with my 2 stores and my baby store i have. I spend time with ppl that mean something to me. I might not sit at SR and just talk and dance. I do much much much more. I don't need a managing job and the stress that goes with it. I do things I want to do, spend time with people I wanna spend time with. Especially my time with Xen. That is the most precious time. Thank FUCK i will be coming home soon enough. WOOHOO

Pathetic...

FYI this is not towards anyone in particular, if there are names in this blog read it carefully and don't assume that this part of the blog is about them cus you know what IT ISN'T... its how i feel, how people hurt people for no reason. However if you think it's about you then fine think that, make a comment in the comment section, IM me about it... some people already have and it shows that they have the balls to ask about a section of this blog and not spread rumors. If you have a question be a "man" and ask me about it... don't be a pussy and spread more rumors cus KARMA is a fucker and will kick your ass 3 fold.

If you have an urge to spread rumors, cause drama and alot of other shyt. Don't do it to me.

Rumors, where to start...

NO i am not screwing around on my husband. Xen is the ONLY man i want and need. He is my life. NO i am not sexing anyone up in IMs or have I ever since i got him in my life over a year ago. If you think this, that just makes you more pathetic than the person who started this rumor. If you have a concern, ask the person who started it and/or then ask the people involved.

I can care less what you think about me. I am an INDIVIDUAL, not a copy cat like some people seem to think. I did the twin thing for events only, Yes i heard I was only BEGGING for the places Mir got her clothes at. Sorry this was ONLY for events and that was it. I am me, what you see is what you get and the world doesn't revolve around me like some people are also saying. I don't cause the drama at places. I leave clubs when drama happens. I can't stand drama... that belongs on stage and screen, even in some songs.

YES i am pissed off, going into work at a club or just visiting to see what's going and being IM'ed by all my friends there telling me what they heard... or the best getting off line messages being told that I am trying to sex people up. SORRY don't think so... i have a man, happily married at that to him. All i know is this is HIGH SCHOOL shyt, we are adults... not children... Well at least I'm not.

However all this shit explain alot tho, why when Mir can't DJ some shift I am left with a radio, Nanny and Callie were nice enough to help out this week when they noticed me asking for a DJ. Thanks ladies for that, even tho i have worked with only a radio before. I am professional when it comes to work in RL and SL... people are paying for a place to work and I don't plan on making that place uncomfortable for myself or others like some people are doing by spreading rumors.

It also explains how i am being treated by others, why others won't talk to me. If you want to listen to everything you hear, fine. I did nothing wrong except get hurt by someone that i cared about. I was an ear for them when things when ass up but it seems to me I got new friends and I did something wrong. OH well... according to a blog I read I am playing the victim, the world revolves around me only, I am the one at fault according to all the rumors and off line IMs I am getting from people.

If you need to spread rumors, go for it. If you need to get in between 2 people, then you are a horrid little petty pathetic person that needs a life. If you see people happy and need to spread the rumors you are spreading, fine, just makes you look bad when they aren't true. SORRY but it don't happen. Someone already has sent my love a pic trying to say its me, when obviously its not, but hey, you do what you need to do. I don't care. I will still be at work, I will still be doing what i was hired to do. I will still be me and no one else.

I know I didn't do anything that was told me, I know I didn't do anything that people are saying I did. I know that people are going to do this cus y'all have nothing better to do. To tell you the truth y'all can fuck off. You want me to stop going to a place that I have been at for over a year, worked at it for the same amount of time etc... It won't happen. I like SR, i won't talk shit about this club, nor the people that work there. You might want me to or expect me to but i won't do it. I won't stoop to anyone's level to spread rumors. If y'all need to do it to make yourself happy, fine go for it but as i said, Karma will fuck you up times 3... and the day that happens with be the best day for all the people that the rumors are involving.

Also if you think that my blog hits too close to home.. .KEEP IN MIND, this is how i am feeling when i write the stuff. I get it off my chest, I don't keep it inside so it builds up and makes me a horrid petty person. I write how I feel and what I feel, sometimes the next day i will explain it better... BUT FYI... i don't care what you think about it, there is a comment section you want to leave comments about a blog of mine then feel free and do so but i will not listen to anyone say i did this or that... I know what i do and I know where I am. I know who is around me and I know who my friends are. If you are spreading rumors, then you aren't a friend of mine. That is for sure.

I KEEP FULL LOGS and clean them once a month and my chats logs I keep for a long time. SO keep this in mind next time you want to spread rumors. ALSO remember i have ALOT of friends on SL so you want to talk shit about me, go for, better yet you not man/women enough to say it to my face it shows how low y'all are...

If you can't be an adult about stuff and you hear something, instead of spreading it why not come to the people involved in this rumor and ask them.

GROW THE FUCK UP PPL... ya bunch of fannies.

Bad Bad Day on the 1st

OK OK OK OK.... yes i had a bad day yesterday on the 1st. it sounded like i was about to RIP a club that i have been at for over a year apart and I would never do that.

I love Sanctuary Rock and i have been there almost since i started SL. It has gotten much better with DJs over the last year and no dancers, DJ and Hosts DO NOT get paid by the Owner. We all work for Tips. I hear alot of ppl ask why we don't get paid and how the Rock can keep employees... I will tell you...

There aren't many places that can make you feel like an illegitimate step child that needs to be punished LOL... just joking ;o) The place is great, the people make that place the punters and the staff. Yes not all staff get along but that is like any place. Yes drama happens at alot of places but it passes. I don't pour fuel on it I just deal with it and let it pass.

I only work at 3 places in total, one place is my Brothers, Freakheim Funeral Home, Sanc and Primal Choas.

All places are kept seperate i don't combine, let things flow over or even bring shit from one place to another. That is not me, never will be me in SL or RL. When i work i am professional I deal with what is given to me.

To all the owners of the clubs I wouldn't talk bad about any club i work for... only one place i would rip apart and that is Lucifer's only reason for that is for how i was treated. How the owner of that Sim treated alot of ppl.... but that is past and not any of you guys can be as horrid as he was. I love each place i work for for different reasons. So please who ever reads this rest assure I will not rip your places apart. :o) I SWEAR...

Day that don't go as planned...

You ever have one of those days... you know where you plan stuff, a suprise and your told that they would be on and they aren't. They don't send you an email saying anyting just forgotten about...

Well ya today that happened yet again to me. OH well.. its life, it sucks ass but tis life. When i am needed they will show up, or should i say IF i am needed again they will show up and IM me. PFFT oh well...

What did i do instead, I worked 2 shifts this evening to keep my mind off of things but when i finished I sat there getting ready for for the 8am event, which to be all honest has been really bad lately. The way some people treat others up there... its like Drama Central, but hey I am a professional. I do my job and leave when i am done.

Just hope things get better.... if not OH well.. its life again, the sooner I move the happier I will be. Yep, happy as hell.

Bye for now its 5.05am and i have YET to sleep... not like i am going to but eh have tons of things to do when 10am comes around.

I love you...

I love you more than you know

I love you for you not for your avi

I love you for that smile you have, the kind and silly one.

I love you for who you are not what you do

I love you for that amazing personality, the one you make everyone feel at ease

I love you because you love me back

I love you because without you I wouldn't be anything

I love you because you are the best thing that SL & RL has ever given me.

I love you because you are mine and no one elses

I love you for being silly, caring and serious all at one time.

I love you for being that asshole you know you can be.

I love you because your MY asshole and no one elses.

I love you for sitting there and listening to me bitch when i know you want to do something else.

I love you cus after 1 year all you ask of me is to wear cookie protection/playground covering/panties.

I love you cus you love me for me and not change me into some barbie doll

I love you cus you don't want a slave you want a friend, partner, wife and running mate.

I love you because you know when i need you.

I love you because I am Mrs Xen Huet and not LadyStar Ferraris.

I love you cus now we are XEN LS... yes alot of people call us that

I love you because you try to suck the souls of my friends out of them and up your nose... You at least give them back.

I love you because you get so protective and jealous. It turns me on *wink*

I love you because you protect me.

I love you because no one else knows me the way you do and no one else will.

Mainly, I love you because I love you!!!!!!!!

My Heart...

My heart is yours and no one elses

My heart I know is safe in your hands

My heart is full thanks to you

My heart is finally heeled after all the hurt, you protect it and don't let anyone touch it like you do.

My heart was given freely to you and you haven't ever wanted to give it back.

My heart will belong to you and only you, no room for anyone other than you.

I love you.....

WOW 1 Year on...

WOW baby one year on and we are closer than anyone can be. I love you more now than I did when we got married.

Today we sat and talked about the last year, when we knew we were serious and how people said we would only last a week. How people thought I would hurt Xen and how there was that moment where we both were on the departnering page but never actually did it. We got thru it all.

Like anyone we have our downs but we get up and we are stronger. Ya there are still pricks on SL that are trying to split us up. That try to hurt us when possible. But to them all I have to say is, I understand you are jealous and upset cus you don't have what we have but if you tried to relax and not hurt people you might actually find someone.

We can sit on the beach and just talk for hours, play silly games, do silly things, and even IM our friends and screw with their minds LOL. We have done some right silly things in the pat year, showing up at a sexy event dressed like rag dolls, or a formal event dressed like a nun & a priest. OMG we even went to a Blues club dressed as Fred and Wilma. We also have a serious side, like when my sister Nikki got married, Xen walked her down the isle and i was asked to be the Bish of Honor LOL something i am good at. We made the day hers and only hers. It was perfect.

Xen is like myself but smellier LOL that's cuz he's a BOY and BOYS gots cooties!!!!! EWWWWWWWWWW.... He loves to read what i write and keeps telling me I am getting spanked but weird HE NEVER DOES IT... pfft what a lie, i get my hopes up and nuttin LOL. MEN...

Xen came into my life a year ago today and we have never looked back since. When we got married he made me see that it was US and US only that mattered. I don't know what we are doing today. All i know is I would love to spend the day with him and our friends just sitting back and enjoying ourselves. I think that's all that matters.

We have each other and the few people that we allow into our lives. Especially our baby girl Madi and not to mention the nutters :o).

Thank you to everyone for putting up with our silliness, weirdness and loving. You all know who you are.... Baby you are the best in my eyes and i will never ever give you up. Wait til the 1 year wedding anniversary WOW that will be great... i should start planning it now :o) Love you baby.